Starting my Soultera Journey
Reflecting on how my healing journey has developed, I hope sharing my story inspires you to seek what makes your soul glow and start your own soultera journey.
Time travelling back to 2020, I didn’t know it back then but this was probably when my soultera life started. At that time I was a soltera, I just came out from two year relationship and partied my way through emotions I didn’t know how to process. I also started a new office job as the diversity hire and was let go three months later because the company couldn’t pay for the corporate consequences of COVID-19. By the age of 23, I’ve had three failed relationships and have been made redundant twice in my early career.
I was overwhelmed by the label I had on myself, “failure”, which I later found out was self-inflicted after going through counselling. I didn’t know what was happening to me internally but this is what it felt like then: My stomach constantly felt uneasy and churning like I was falling off a roller coaster ride, my mind was constantly overthinking and I was always reliant on a smoke nearly every 2 hours to give my mind a quick calming high which I complimented with coffee that would make the sensation in my stomach worse but had to drink because I ran on four hours sleep the night before. Everything in me was just bad. My mind and body were all over the place, I had let anxiety and stress fully take over me.
Before my office job sacked me and I was still living in Dublin, I would call my immigrant mom because I couldn’t sleep. One night when she said good bye, it was heavily obvious from her voice that she has never been this worried for me because she didn’t know what to say to me to keep me calm. The next day, I decided to use the benefit of having company health insurance and ring a nurse-on-call for help. I told her all the discomforts I felt and my current situation and it was there she told me to reach out to Jigsaw.ie who offer mental health counselling support four young people from the ages of 12-25 years old. Up until that very point, I didn’t know what mental health was and I barely understood anxiety because it was something I never use to have or struggle with. I don’t even remember it being taught in my secondary school but discovering Jigsaw and their resources was life changing and helped to the lead up of soultera.
After a pre-assessment call, a bit of luck with the waiting list and a trial face to face meeting with a counselor, I started sharing my life with a stranger, who I called Fiona afterwards, in the hope she could tell me whats was wrong and what I needed to do. We unpacked a lot of things like life before Ireland, childhood traumas, secrets and what I like to do. It was also here, my counselor told me about creating a figurative toolbox for myself and store all the things I like to do in there. At that time, I thought the gym and partying were activities I enjoyed but with the orders from the government to stay in doors and life slowing down I didn’t really know what were the things that brought me peace and enjoyed doing on my own.
Most of our sessions were online and the one and only homework she gave me was to learn more about mindfulness. As suggested by my therapist and wanting to do anything that could make the weird feeling in my stomach go away, I read up on mindfulness and ways to practice it; and that’s when I tried to practice yoga. I enjoyed doing ballet for 10 years and I always thought ballet and yoga were kinda similar with the poses so I thought it would a good way to reconnect with that part of me. The stomach sensation would be the first thing I would feel in the morning and to remedy this, I started doing yoga in the morning. I started with beginner friendly yoga for 20-30 minutes and within those moments, I noticed the dreaded stomach sensation would disappear. It brought me so much comfort knowing this is possible and so it motivated me to take on the 30 day yoga challenge by Youtuber @YogawithKassandra and to develop my practice further.
Bit by bit, I was able to build my toolbox and in there with yoga, I added meditating, journaling and painting; and bit by bit they healed my mind, body and soul. This figurative toolbox serves as my go-to when I’m feeling stressed, overwhelmed or just need to connect with my self. At the age of 23, I felt like I came out from the brainwash of society to prioritise finding a life partner and to build a career in order to have society’s definition of a successful life when I barely knew what success I wanted and activities that bring me enjoyment and peace. I think every person has their own toolbox, whether we know it or not and sometimes we may fill it with inappropriate tools or temporary ones but it is important to reflect on what these tools bring within us and add ones that will make our soul glow.
Painting the full moon in Aquarius during Leo season
The current tools in my toolbox are what started my soultera journey and it is ever evolving but you don’t need a therapist to tell you to start your own. You can start by writing down the things you like on a piece of paper or on the notes of your phone. Discomfort is normal but remember to be kind and make space for yourself to enjoy activities that you believe define your soul’s happiness. The journey may take time but appreciate everything because you will fall in love with the process of becoming the healed and best version of yourself.
